to be be be an be be be...

Saturday weigh in

My first triathlon in October 2014

Saturday weigh in for February 1st 2020

Stepping on the scale this morning was more of a challenge than I would like to admit. I am told that I should not let the scale be my judge, but I cannot help feeling that way. The scale in my case is judge, jury and executioner.

I had a good week of exercise. Solid and simple workouts. Three one hour runs for a total of 12 miles run and three hours on the indoor bicycle trainer ride for 56 miles.

The food issue was another story. Good but not perfect by any means. Yesterday in particular included snacking and overeating for no real purpose. It happened and I knew I would have to step on the scale this morning and face the music.

The verdict came in and the foreman read.....314 pounds.

Should I be surprised? Of course not. I wasted at least two days with bad food choices and when you are trying to lower the number on the scale it only takes one day to do the damage and I did that without a problem.

This is such a hard battle for me. I know there are people in this world who might laugh at that statement. I can hear them saying all types of things; It's not hard, you just need willpower. You just need to push away from the table. You just need smaller portions. You just need to eat less. You just need to quit snacking between meals. You just need to stop it. You just need... [You fill in the rest]

It can be somewhat depressing. Oh hell, why lie to you, it is depressing isn't it. Maybe it shouldn't be, but it is. It seems so simple for some people and I am like the stubborn child who has to learn for themselves that the stove is hot by continually placing my hand on the burner, over and over again.

One day I will take my own medicine and remember that the fork and the plate outweigh the gym and my workouts any day of the week.

So maybe I should celebrate the small victory? Is that the key to this whole process? Probably so, but it is hard to celebrate such a small victory. At some point I need to learn that, believe that and actually put that into practice.

Until then I just have to deal with being unforgiving to myself. As much as I read on the subject of forgiveness and acceptance, I still cannot put it into practice for myself. I wonder why?

Well, back to work, today is a new day and a new adventure awaits