to be be be an be be be...

Weigh in

315 on 1/25/2020

As promised...

To say that I am disappointed would be a understatement, but it had to happen. I had to step on the scale...So today was judgement day.

Before anyone says that a horrible way to look at stepping on a scale, I can only say that is how I feel.
Scales do not lie. People lie, but scales do not lie. They might be off a few pounds here or there. One scale might give you a more favorable response than the other, but it won't be much in either direction.

For me it is judgement because it reflects the choices that I have made. As an obese man, the scale shows me my failures, there is no kindness shown or love given by that scale that resides on my office floor. It simply shows me the truth.

The truth about my overeating. The truth about my broken promises to myself, my friends and my coaches. It is something that I like to avoid, even to my own detriment.

I had gone months without getting on the scale. In that time period the weight slowly crept back on. Prior to the Ironman race in November my excuse was very simple, I wasn't worried about the weight as long as I felt strong on the bike. I probably raced in Arizona at a weight of 295 pounds. Not an ideal weight for race day by any means.

I have always wondered what it would be like to do an Ironman at 240 pounds. I wonder how fast I would be on the bike, or how I might feel differently on the run course. This year I will find out, I promise.

So until that day comes where the scale reads 240 pounds, I have to lose weight. I have to keep eating healthy. I have to continue drinking more water. I need to continue to train and stay positive about the road ahead. I need to be person that so many people believe me to be.

This blog is my journal and in all reality my accountability partner. It is my chance to share what it looks like to deal with a food addiction while trying to train for a race. So every Saturday from this day forward will be judgement day. A  chance for me to grade myself on how my week went and where I fell short.

The scale will become my friend at some point this year, that is the goal... then one day we have a loving relationship. But until that day comes, I will have to fight it and all the demons that plague me along the way.